3 Lies You Were Told About Your Husband 

And How the Truth Will Change Your Marriage 

It’s been said that God is not without a sense of humor. I personally agree with this statement wholeheartedly. There are certain things I would love to ask Him about when I reach the other side of glory. The platypus, goats that can somehow climb trees (google it, instant comedy), the way pigeons walk, just to name a few things off of the top of my head are all natural and hilarious. Often times, though, I feel like His humor is a bit more on the practical side. He can be the Eternal Prankster when He wants to be. Consider this, God fashions two human beings, often very different in interests, habits, and mannerisms, and He introduces them, then they choose to spend forever together. The old adage says; “opposites attract”. It’s as true for magnets as it is for humans. The truth of the matter is, although you may not see the humor in it yet, you and your husband are different. It’s important to have a winning perspective on things that may occasionally bring friction to your marriage. They say you can’t change a man. This is mostly true, but you can change your perspective and that may help you and your husband get winning results in your marriage. The internet can be full of junk information so I am here to help. Here are three common lies you were probably told about your husband… especially if you consult google for counseling.

1. My Husband Doesn’t Talk 

Now I know what you may be thinking; “you don’t know my husband; he literally DOESN’T talk!”. Hang on in there sister. Ask yourself this question; would you rather your husband talk or communicate? There is a huge difference between the two. Allow me to lay some ground work. I’ve had friends, male friends, who ran their mouths nonstop for hours. HOURS. You could sit down with them for an hour and hardly get a word in edgewise.

These friends of mine talked, but the goal of communication was far from achieved. The truth of the matter is not all guys express themselves through speaking.

Most guys lean toward stoicism. It’s a natural male trait. We tend to use words more sparingly and only when they are needed. We don’t often wear our emotions on our sleeves.

If your man is like this try and see the value in it. My wife actually made a really good and concise video on this that you can watch here. While you are at it, follow us on Instagram and TikTok. The important thing to know is that over 80% of all communication is nonverbal. As human beings we can’t help but to communicate. We are literally like antennas broadcasting how we feel. You ladies are especially sensitive to this. We call it “women’s intuition.” It’s that guy who gave you a bad feeling at Target the other day. It’s you breaking your child’s heart when they can’t go to that party and you aren’t even sure why. My vote is; ladies if you have a superpower use it!

You can tell if something is bothering your man. You probably know how to cheer him up without even asking.

Try this instead if you are noticing something is off: “[insert pet name], I was thinking about [insert something he loves here], would you be up for that?” Let’s say what the activity he loves is a dinner at his favorite restaurant, you may find him a bit more willing to open up once his face is stuffed with his favorite burger and beverage. You are married so play the long game. Instant gratification is never as satisfying as long-term victories. Remember; he communicates even if talking isn’t his first choice of expression.

2. My Husband Doesn’t Listen 

Now don’t hate me for this… or at least if you are going to hate me, do it because I tell hard truths. Believe it or not guys can be very keen listeners. We interpret words, attitudes, and actions simultaneously and we compare it against a vast archive of previously received data in an instant. Don’t believe me? There is a reason guys are slow to trust in many cases.

It’s also why guys, often jokingly bring up something you may have said months ago in light of new information. We are listening.

Here is where the friction may come in; your husband’s immediate response, or lack thereof, indicates to you a lack of listening. I’ll say it another way, you just asked him to handle a particular task at home and he barely acknowledged you were speaking. You are willing to bet it won’t get done.

Let’s try another example, you just had a rough day and you are so ready to vent. That knight in shining armor of yours, for some mysterious reason, is ready to sharpen his sword, saddle up, and solve the problem. You just want him to listen, not invalidate your feelings with those pesky simple solutions! Gah! I will address both scenarios, and offer you a new perspective and some solutions. For free, too!? Girl, you better follow us on social media!

Scenario 1: Talking to a Wall

You feel like you are talking to a wall. Why on earth does he do that? Well, there could be several reasons most of which would likely require a separate piece altogether, but for the sake of this blog I will show you how you can win in the small tasks. Let’s say something simple like the trash needs taken out. You are noticing a bit of a smell and you are ready to tell him for the third time to take it out. Take a deep breath sis. Your approach here can produce instant results.

Instead of doing something passive aggressive and disrespectful like placing the trash bag someplace where he would trip over it, (and yes, we will literally walk right around that bag) try a direct and feminine approach. Go with, “[insert pet name], are you busy at this moment?” The obvious answer is no. “Could you help me with this trash bag for a second?” When it’s done actually say thank you. Explain briefly (one sentence) how that small gesture is a big help when you are getting the house together for him. Yes, you read that correctly. Again, we are playing for keeps because, I don’t know, you married the guy.

Here is how that works:

This is coming from a man, so don’t argue. Step one, you have shown respect for whatever activity he may have been involved in by asking if he is busy. We are never too busy for you. You already knew the answer to the first question. We both did. Step two, directly asking for help. No, you don’t need help moving a stinking trash bag. Again, this is something we both know. The truth is, deep inside every man is a desire to be his wife’s hero. That knight in shining armor I mentioned earlier, that is a thing. What knight can resist the call of a damsel in distress? Asking for help immediately plays into your femininity. It’s not that you are weak. It’s that no man wants to envision his wife getting smelly and toting rotten food outside into the wild. I can fight those battles. Step three, “for a second” indicates a respect for his time. We both know it doesn’t take forever to handle a trash bag. The task, in our mind, goes through a risk reward analysis. It sounds foolish, but I’m telling you the God’s honest truth. At this point I’m not really considering my feelings on the matter. I’m considering being your hero. That is a win. I’ll hop on the trash. Then, when I return, I get a speech about how much you appreciate it!? Are you kidding me? I wasn’t ready for that. I’ll walk a little taller that next time the trash needs taken out.

Bonus tip:

Try to avoid mentioning things that matter to you in passing. If there are a few things you would like for your man to get done for the day be sure to discuss it when you are not busy. I am currently working on another piece here for the men on how to help your wife feel heard. This is a two-way road, but this is dealing specifically with what you can control.

Scenario 2: The Problem Solver

For the second scenario, recognize you husband is a problem solver and he may be wholly unaware of what you really need in that instance. Give me a chance, I’ll help him work on it in another piece.

3. My Husband Only Wants Sex 

So, this point is a bit different from all the others, but this is a common one. I believe the culture has caused a great deal of harm by exploiting men’s sexuality and then convincing you that it is somehow a negative or disgusting. Allow me to clear a few things up for you in the next few minutes.

Your husband wants you. Is that a bad thing? I mean he has it in bad for you. He thinks about you. He plots and schemes ways to woo you. Thoughts of you are his escape and motivation when things are going rough out in the world. Out of seven and a half billion people on earth he has chosen to give himself to you exclusively. How horrible for him to physically want you!? It’s the worst ever, right? You don’t feel beautiful and he literally can’t keep his mind off of you? Are you kidding me?

Embrace the Truth:

All those flaws that make you self-conscious and he has the unmitigated gall to not be hung up on them!? Those things you would rather hide than look at in the mirror fresh out of the shower, and he will literally make an effort TO see you fresh out of the shower? While the culture is telling you that you need to invest in this product, or that treatment to be beautiful, you have this whole man that adores you and he is antithetical to all of the lies the culture is pushing on you. Your man is literally a safe haven from the noise of the culture. It’s always a wonder to me when we talk about cultural beauty standards. The beauty standard is the average married woman. Those are the people we devote our lives to, not what you see on magazine covers. Let’s dig a little deeper, shall we?

The Reality of Men’s Sex Drive

A man’s sex drive is hormonal. Understanding this will help you to see all the ads and oversexualization in the culture as predatory.

Can I concrete it for you? A man’s sex drive for you is as natural for him as your monthly cycle is for you.

Your man wouldn’t go to google to find out how to stop your period because it’s “gross”. Don’t let the culture tell you your husband’s desire for you is gross. You are his only outlet. Of course, sex isn’t all he wants. Just understand that it means the world when your husband knows you want him as well.

For your husband it is a way of feeling connected that he can’t find in anything or anyone else. It isn’t simply about getting some form of relief. Don’t let an over sexualized culture reduce your husband to a dog. Understand that for every woman complaining about her husband’s total adoration there are probably just as many relationships that are sexless and in trouble. Embrace the fact that he thinks you are “all of that”. If it seems like you husband has a ridiculously high libido that may be something you can discuss. We are all human. If you have to, find a number of times a week you can commit to as a baseline.

Men aren’t dogs. They are human beings created in the image of Almighty God. God designed him to be attracted to you, yes even in that way. There is an entire book in the bible dedicated to sex and romance. Let’s not make this into something dirty and taboo. Embrace the embrace. Having a proper perspective on your husband’s sex drive is a game changer.

The Bottom Line:

The truth is the internet and the culture can be a toxic environment for a healthy marriage. There is plenty of junk information out there as to why marriage sucks and why we should give up on it. Marriage is God’s design. The relationship between men and women, specifically the relationship between one man and one woman, within the confines of holy matrimony, is the fundamental institution through which God has chosen to shape society. Strong families produce strong churches which produce strong communities. Stop listening to the lies. Let’s explore our spouses. Let’s understand why they do the things they do. Let’s embrace the humor in God’s enduring practical, yet socially fundamental joke. Let’s be great spouses. I hope you; dear reader, found some value in this and I pray this has brought at least a little enlightenment on how that guy you said you’d spend forever with actually thinks. (We do that occasionally).

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