Three Reasons Why You Are Always Arguing With Your Spouse
Do you find yourself and your spouse constantly arguing? You’re not alone. As a Christian marriage coach, I see this frequently, and the good news is—it’s absolutely fixable. Once you understand what’s really going on behind the arguments, you can start making real progress.
In today’s blog post, we’ll discuss three key reasons why couples argue and how understanding these can help bring peace and harmony back to your marriage.
1. You’re Not In-Sync with Your Values
One of the most common reasons couples argue is because they’re not aligned on their core values. When you and your spouse aren’t clear about what’s most important to both of you, things can easily get out of balance.
For example, let’s say one spouse is deeply passionate about their work and dedicates a lot of time to it. The other spouse might feel neglected because they don’t understand why work takes priority over family time. When there’s a lack of clarity around your priorities as a couple, resentment can build, and arguments follow.
The solution? Sit down together and have an open conversation about your values. When you’re both clear about what’s important to you and what you both want out of life together, it becomes easier to support each other and work as a team. This understanding will reduce friction and eliminate many unnecessary arguments.
2. You Don’t Understand How Each Other Operates
Men and women are wired differently—physically, emotionally, and mentally. If you don’t understand these differences, it can lead to a lot of frustration. Your spouse might say one thing, and you interpret it completely differently. This miscommunication is a major contributor to frequent arguments.
Taking the time to understand how your spouse thinks, processes emotions, and expresses themselves can work wonders. Instead of feeling frustrated or misunderstood, you’ll have a better understanding of where they’re coming from and how to respond with empathy and patience. When you start to embrace these differences, many arguments will naturally decrease.
3. There’s Something Deeper Going On
Sometimes, arguments are just a symptom of a deeper issue in the marriage. It can be difficult to recognize this when you’re caught in the middle of the tension. But what might seem like an argument about something trivial could be rooted in unresolved hurt, past experiences, or unmet emotional needs.
I’ve seen this happen many times in my coaching practice. A couple may argue endlessly, but when they dig deeper, they realize there’s an underlying issue that’s never been addressed. It could be something from the early years of the marriage or a pattern that has developed over time.
When you’re experiencing ongoing arguments, marriage coaching can be incredibly helpful. A third-party perspective can help you uncover the root cause of the tension and offer guidance on how to address it. My husband and I had a similar experience. After the birth of our first child, we noticed a lot of tension in our marriage. It wasn’t until we sought marriage coaching that we realized a key event in our first year of marriage was causing the friction we were experiencing. Without that intervention, we would have continued fighting the symptoms rather than tackling the real issue.
Seeking Help Can Make All the Difference
If you’re feeling stuck in a cycle of constant arguing and tension in your marriage, it may be time to seek help. Marriage coaching could be the breakthrough you’ve been looking for. It was a game-changer for my husband and me, and it could make all the difference for you too.
As marriage coaches, my husband and I offer free discovery calls to help couples identify the obstacles they’re facing and create a plan for lasting change. If you’re ready to break free from the constant arguments and rebuild your connection, we would love to help guide you.
Click the button below to schedule your free discovery call with us. We’ll help you identify the root causes of the tension in your marriage and provide actionable strategies to start making real, lasting changes.
