How Embracing Accountability Leads to Miraculous Growth in Your Marriage
Most growth is slow and takes place over time. During our physical growth throughout childhood and adolescence, we have little to no control over how much growth we experience.
During my basketball playing years I would have done almost anything to grow another four inches. In the grand scheme of things, I needed much more than a few inches of growth to be a great basketball player, but to me that was the key to becoming an excellent player. In spite of my athletic shortcomings, if there was a miracle grow formula for teens, I would have bought it.
The Desire for Growth in Marriage
Healthy marriages have a similar desire for growth.
Unlike your genetic disposition, you are entirely in control of the growth of your marriage. Growth in your marriage begins with a simple choice. The choice to grow is made when you choose to be accountable for the current state of your marriage.
The Power of Accountability
Successful couples, much like business leaders, have a growth mindset. Understanding that shifting blame and pointing fingers does nothing to facilitate a better marriage is critical. A fixed mindset is a death sentence. When growth stops, death begins.
Fixed Mindset vs. Growth Mindset in Marriage
Stagnation in marriage is drudgery.
How am I contributing to the issue? This simple question snaps you out of the cycle of hurt many relationships experience. It is easy to blame our spouse. It is a tale as old as mankind itself. Adam blames his wife, Eve. Eve, in turn, blames the snake. How often is this scene repeated in relationships?
The Dangers of Blame
The biggest lie is believing someone else needs “fixing”. That belief immediately stunts growth and leaves an out for you if the problem remains.
It is culturally popular to run off a laundry list of everything we aren’t responsible for in a marriage. While it is true that somethings AREN’T your responsibility such as your spouse’s “happiness”, a growth mindset should ask, “how am I contributing to my spouse’s unhappiness?”. Adam was free to refuse the fruit of the tree. Eve was free to rebuke the serpent. Both lacked accountability. All are still paying the price.
Proactive Accountability: The Key to Growth
Accountability breeds proactivity.
When your marital issues become your problem, you tend to stand better guard against those issues. If Adam took accountability in the garden, he would have worked to remove the serpent’s influence. The fall may not have been, and likely wouldn’t have been, permanently postponed, but it wouldn’t have happened directly under Adam’s authority.
The Price of Fault vs. The Value of Accountability
The price of fault is far greater than the price of accountability.
Accountability requires mental and emotional investment. Much like insurance, it is better to pay the premium for marital accountability than to shoulder the fault after the fallout. A moment of comfortability while assessing your contributions to the state of your marriage is of far greater value than years of resentment. Your marriage is a divine edifice. Accountability is the structural maintenance.
Ready to start taking accountability for your marriage’s growth?
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